The Beautiful Answer

On Anxiety and the Discontents

You know those people that no one wants to be around, and yet somehow they’re everywhere? I like to call them the Negatives, because no matter what you say, they always find a way to make things not work out? They love to rain on parades, especially if they’re marching in them, and to find a million and one reasons why It’ll Never Work Out. I actually find myself becoming sunnier and sunnier around these folks, until I’m exhausted from trying to balance out their darkness. 

Anxiety has a way of doing this to people. From our distinctly American way of seeing the news (fear), the economy (more fear) and all the big things of life like health issues, family, retirement and Social Security (major uncertainty there), we aren’t really trained to deal with the stuff we can’t see, feel, control or quantify. Instead, we’re conditioned to keep fearing more, so we drive the financial and social agreements we’ve set forth. 

Without getting too conspiracy-ish about it (those are boring anyway and, yes, fear-based as all hell), it’s enough to make you want to climb the nearest mountain or join the nearest ashram. And maybe those aren’t terrible ideas. But for the rest of us who choose to remain behind, maybe there’s another way. Rather than becoming one of the anxiety-prone or the discontents, maybe we can sit with our feelings, not to disregard or even chase them away. Maybe just the act of witnessing what’s really going on inside us, without judging it or comparing it to whatever everyone else is going through, we open up a new dialogue. And if someone is listening, doesn’t that mean that we’re being seen, heard and valued for all the right reasons, at exactly the right time? 

Anticipation

I read about this experiment today, in which a scientist tried to create the most viscous material ever. It was 1927 and the scientist was Thomas Parnell, a physics professor at the University of Queensland in Australia. He poured hot pitch into a glass funnel and then let it cool while his class of students waited for the results. In about eight years, yes eight years, the first drop fell. After nine more years, another drop finally separated itself from the others and made its way downward to join the first. 

That kind puts patience into perspective. 

Since 1927, a total of eight drops have fallen. What is the purpose of this, you ask? Why would someone purposely torture himself and his students by doing this? 

I like to think it’s uncertainty. We don’t know when the next drop will fall. Maybe also unpredictability. Think about it. In the wide open flow of time that makes up our lives, do we really ever know what’s going to happen? No. And if we did, we would never willingly choose to go through half the shit that comprises our human reality. It’s too painful, too messy and devoid of fun. 

If we’re being honest here, pretty much nothing is really in our control. And maybe it shouldn’t be. Maybe the beauty is in the surprise, the up and down of our emotions, the high of our highs and the low of our lows. Maybe it’s the anticipation that the very next moment of our lives could spin us in a completely new direction, an amazing and true direction, and that this in itself is pretty damn special indeed. 

What, What, What?

I love those days when you feel like you’re past the worst of an energy disturbance and you’re kind of coasting again — at least for a while. Over the past few days, as seemingly everything in my clients’ lives has gone haywire, I’ve been trying to be the calm in the midst of the storm (I almost typed clam in the midst of the storm, which is probably a far more hilarious image). I’ve imagined roots growing from my feet into the earth, establishing a mighty root system that no wind could blow over, then a giant ship with insanely tall masts, capable of navigating through any nor’easter. 

Of course, imagining that this is the last storm I will ever encounter is wishful thinking at best. What I try to do, sometimes more successfully than others, is measure what’s happened, figure out what has to be done (both inside and out) to right the ship, then learn from it and try to to do that again. Maybe see it a little sooner, take evasive maneuvers — whatever’s gonna get me through it a little easier next time. 

This one has been a doozy. The energy is very strange, and all the channeling I have done (I’ll put some of it up on my blog @ SassyPsychic.com, probably tomorrow) is indicative of all this “end of the world” stuff this year is supposed to harbor. As usual, I just want to interpret it, to make sense of all the anger, frustration and uncertainty around me. Relatively speaking, I’m pretty happy, pretty balanced, and headed in the right direction. I try to be that, a little at least, for the people who choose to work with me. But sometimes — today, for example — I want to ask the universe, “What? What? What do you want? How do you want me to see this moment, make necessary adjustments, and help heal others and myself in the bargain? I am willing to work with you, anxious even, but just need to see it more clearly.” 

Make it clearer for me, universe. Please help me see it with all the grace and mercy necessary to bring some light into the word.