The Beautiful Answer

Idio-Syncrasies

As we near the inevitable astrological pairing of Uranus and Pluto, along with the direct movement of Saturn, I and many of my more sensitive clients have noticed a few things. People seem to already be in panic mode of one sort or another, taking everything on and becoming pretty damn reactive. This aspect is once in a lifetime, and serves to literally force us to choose between that which pleases us and that which serves the greater good of humanity, the planet, and our respective relationships. 

Not to sound dire or anything like that, but it’s some pretty serious shit. Channeling to come tomorrow night. 

I have been drawn to this word idiosyncrasy when trying to describe to people how the energy feels to me. It’s unique, that’s for sure, and very no nonsense — very strong at the core, acting a battering ram and a funnel all in one. But when I looked it up, I found out that the word derives from Ancient Greek meaning “one’s own” with “mixture.” 

That sounds like something that would be ready and able to meld a bit, to let some personal things go in order for the whole to thrive. But so far, and we’re not even to the meat of the aspect yet, my experience has been that most are still looking out for themselves, feeling sorry for their inability to get what they want every second of every hour, and giving very little thought to the idea of the collective. 

With aspects this strong, we don’t really have a choice. Planets are always going to be bigger and stronger than we are. So it’s always best to cooperate with them as best we can. This blog was started nearly a year ago with the thought of looking for what’s beautiful in the world on a daily basis, what’s hidden behind all the stress and inability to see beyond our own issues. It’s somehow fitting that the blog will end as this aspect applies which, if we’re not aware and intentional, could rob us of that ability to see beyond, to the very truth of our being. 

We do not need to be idiots (derived from that same root of “one’s own”). This was a huge diss in their culture, because not taking part in the communal aspects of life was considered a detriment for the entire society. We need to melt a little, to give up something in order to take part of what we need. To not do so is to love ourselves and the next guy less, and that ends up serving no one. 

Retroactive

You ever notice that whenever you’re tweaked about something, it’s generally not about that particular moment in time?  More likely, it’s triggering something you went through in the past, and your rection to it in this moment is overblown and maybe even the slightest bit inappropriate. 

I saw this in action today, which gave me a great opportunity for reframing. I was talking to someone (don’t want to name names because it’s not about blame or finger-pointing) and this person asked why spiritual people always seemed blind to their own faults, while readers (of which I am one) often have so much to give, and those seeking readings often interrupt, try to talk over you and really don’t want to hear what you have to say most of the time. 

True, this stuff happens sometimes. Maybe even more than sometimes. But that’s not a world I want to live in, or a dynamic I choose to support. I’m not much of a fan of the “us vs. them” approach to life because it doesn’t tend to get anyone much of anywhere.

So I said I was glad they had come to me instead of someone else who might not care. She sat in stunned silence for a few seconds, I guess fully expecting me to jump on the “clients suck” bandwagon. But I don’t feel that way about my clients, even the ones who sometimes make my job harder. That’s not why I got into this lone of work, or why I continue to stay in it. 

Then she said, “You know, I never thought about it that way. That’s probably true, huh?” 

In that moment everything went retroactive, and all the times I’d complained about a client in the past (I’m not perfect; I’ve done it, too) kind of lifted off me energetically. And all I could feel in its place were sparkly little pulses of all that remained — my wish to be part of the circle of healing, and gratitude at being afforded the chance. 

Reframing Surprises

Sometimes, life throws you a curve ball. You read it, react as best you can, and then you get another pitch. Then you get another curve ball, and another, until you’re sure the next one has to be a fast ball. Or a slider. No one ever throws straight curve balls. They’re too easy to read. 

But then it happens again. And you either swing through it, or connect and send it into the stands. 

Life threw me another curve ball today, but I have to say that this reframing stuff is making it easier and easier when things like that happen. I was calm, didn’t get too worked about it, and even though my mind was tempted to go in all sorts of directions, spinning possible stories in a million simultaneous spikes, I was proud to stay grounded. After a few minutes (not hours, weeks, months of even years), I could see this as a gift, an opportunity, a rite of passage that would only lead to better things. Freer and less burdened things, that will undoubtedly bring new knowledge, new growth and even newer changes and opportunities. Which would make other people feel afraid, I guess. But for right now, even in the midst of this groundlessness, I am happy to be me, with my life, headed into tomorrow and whatever’s coming. 

The Way It Happens

Quietly but insistently, my mind has been talking to me these past few days. It has gained in strength during my nearly seven months of reframing practice, and even under stressful conditions, has helped me see clearly. It has slowed down enough during the potentially reactive bits that I could get my bearings and not add any more suffering to the mix, or exacerbate the situation at hand. 

When the shit hits the fan, as it has this week, I can’t imagine where I would be without my practice. Fifteen years is a long time to sit around and do nothing (not all of those fifteen years of course, but you know what I mean). To sit and not try to get anywhere, or do anything, seems crazy luxurious when you consider it from that angle. And just when you think there’s no “there” there, suddenly there is. When there is no net, your mind suddenly becomes one for you. 

It makes no sense on paper. It’s intangible as hell, and not likely to become any clearer. The results of my reframing can’t be put in a frame and hung on my wall, or poured into my car to make it start. It won’t feed me or clothe me, and it may never save my life. But it makes the quality of my life on this planet better, and less knee-jerk because of it. 

So mind, this one’s for you. You’re resilient and think for yourself. You don’t follow gurus blindly, and question nearly everything that filters through from the senses. You lean toward grace, and kindness, and curiosity. You seek out the beauty in every moment. And I’m ever so glad you’re in my head, and help me make my time here meaningful. What I would be without you is scary to think about. 

The way it happens, I’m deeply in love with you, even when we don’t get along, or you race too fast for me to sleep. If my consciousness resides in you, as some people believe, I hope we stay together lifetime after lifetime, like two buds just lookin’ for some fun in the cosmos. 

On Growing Up

I can remember all the years of wishing I would grow up already, so I could go out and do cool things — go to clubs, smoke, drink and drive a car - but I can’t remember the precise moment I began to call myself a grown-up. Maybe it was when I owned my first vacuum cleaner and stopped having to drive to West Hollywood to borrow’s my friend’s every time I wanted to clean my apartment. Or maybe it was when I rented my first place on my own, or moved in with a guy. I don’t really know. 

I used to think that once you were a grown-up, that’s all you would stay until you died, I guess, just kind of hanging out in that status. But after days like today, I’m pretty convinced that the process of becoming an adult never stops. 

I say that because, well, hopefully we never stop growing and changing. Hopefully we never stop developing into the people we’re meant to be. I had a few opportunities to explore that dynamic today, first during a screening of The Descendants, a beautiful, simple film about the complexities of life and love, and secondly when I lost one of my favorite earrings later in the evening. 

Leave it to circumstances that have nothing to do with what’s really going on under the surface to teach you just how much you invest things with emotions and meaning, and how much that really mean nothing of the sort. A movie is a movie and an earring is an earring, to coin a reframe, not a memory or a ghost of consciousness or a person who did you wrong in the past. 

Maybe it’s really being a grown-up if you can notice yourself reacting to these moments and choosing not to take the bait, or refuse to go as far down the emotional road as you’re used to traveling. Maybe it means stopping a pattern of self-harm, or extending the pain any further. Best to cut that shit off at the source. 

Mr. Springsteen? This sounds like the story of my life. 

It’s Not Unusual

You know those days when everything seems to change every few minutes, even by the hour, and you’re left at the end of the day feeling drained? That’s how today was for me. I had plenty of work to do and, with the dreaming part of my brain, am outlining a new book. I have realized I can’t be that happy if I’m not creating, so there you have it. 

In the meantime, Uranus (planet of change, the future and instability) went direct today, after several months in retrograde motion. That gave rise to, among other things, NBA trades that turned into non issues (at least for the time being, though if I were Chris Paul, I’d be pretty pissed), and a guy who randomly walked down the center of Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood today shooting people before he was shot dead by police.

Uranus does things like that. 

Usually, I’m a pretty big fan of Uranus transits. They tend to bring out the unusual, the rebels and the unconventional — all my kind of people and events. But when a planet of this size changes direction, it tends to be pretty powerful. So I wanted to reframe that somehow, without trying to affect what the planet’s going to be doing for the planet itself. After all, don’t want to get in the way of that; it’s going to affect a lot of people in various ways. So I decided to merge. I imagined myself as a ball of energy, showing up bright and blue and crackling softly. I saw this energy, my energy, expanding out into the world until it met up with the Uranian energy (which, maybe not coincidentally, rules energy work itself). These two sniffed each other out like two dogs before deciding to meld a little bit. Once inside, I could see and feel the purpose of the Uranus energy — to transform (for some reason, the concept of ignorance came up, and eradicating that), to make us more tolerant, and to help us accept. That doesn’t mean that we allow people to walk on us, but instead find whatever needs to be understood in any given moment, so growth becomes possible. 

So maybe that’s not so unusual, to want to find a way to just move on and get along in the world. Maybe it’s an act of rebellion simply to see things as they really are, without reacting against them, or feeling like they have to change to accommodate us. 

And Now For Something Completely the Same

You know that feeling you get when you’re right in the middle of some kind of reactivity — anger, fear, frustration or whatever — and you realize it, so you’re inside your body having that experience and then outside it as well, seeing yourself with some clarity and perspective? I had that today, when my new shopping cart, designed to make my life easier, as well as that of my assistant, pretty much stopped doing what it was supposed to be doing. 

The thing is, it’s pretty much not worked as it was supposed to since it was installed, even though we were assured by the developer and various web people that it was working on their end. Now I’m losing customers over it, have fielded numerous complaints, and can’t get any of our alleged tech support people on the phone or through email. Or I get vague promises of action that never seem to materialize. It’s a huge mess, and I can’t say anything positive about the people I spent so much time agonizing over and making sure were the right people to work with in the first place. They’re not the right people. Not at all. Now I have to figure out what to do about it. 

In those moments of reaction, I’ve realized there is truth. Whatever you’ve been skirting around, afraid to notice, or stuff you’ve gone out of your way to do to avoid rocking the boat, comes spilling out, and sometimes I find myself hearing what I’m saying in a brand new way. So to reframe this ongoing and very stressful situation, I stepped way back from it in my mind. I could still see myself angry and hurting over it, unsure about what to do to apologize to people who have been loyal to me for years, and scared about losing new customers who might think I was unprofessional or worse by the behavior of my web site. I could also feel the heat of the anger and fear rushing through my body as energy. 

When I was pretty far back, though, I could see this as a moment, a tiny one on the timeline of my life, which would be soon forgotten. I saw my site getting sorted out by these people or someone else soon enough, and then some ease as my worries left me. As the anger and fear left I felt a whooshing feeling at the top of my head and looked up. Up there, further than I could see, I sensed a warm, caring presence, perhaps something divine, and I knew that even though this moment sucked like hell, it would pass, and that things would get better. Tomorrow’s another day, after all. 

Working with Difficult Emotions

Have you ever experienced this? You’re humming along, thinking you’re doing a pretty good job at being aware, cultivating kindness and even exhibiting compassion more times than not … and then someone — or better yet something — comes along to completely test that?

I love it when that happens.

OK, maybe not in the moment. I get irritated. I get reactive. I think why is that person doing that to me? and then, because I’ve been doing this for so long, in the next moment I usually laugh. I mean, who the hell am I, that so many people are trying to personally screw me up? Surely they must hold secret meetings to mess with my life.

Suuuuuurrrrre.

The other day I was surprised when feeling of irritation came up around someone I really like. They just had something happen in their own life that pushed some of my own buttons. Easy, right? Just separate what’s mine from what’s not mine. But two days later, I’m still frantically reframing (:) — OK, maybe not frantically — so I can get away from the difficult emotions of fear, anger and frustration, with maybe a little jealousy thrown in for good measure.

So instead, I tried following the instructions of a Buddhist teacher I know, who urged us to soften around the pain in our lives, to welcome it as you would a good friend. So I invited my emotions for a pow-wow. We sat around the dining room table for a bit, airing our grievances. I asked them what they wanted and they said, “Dinner.” But if I refused to fed them, I thought maybe they’d go away.

So I sat back in my chair. And after a while, all the feelings fell silent. When they realized they weren’t getting dinner, they got up quietly and left. Pretty damn cool.