The Beautiful Answer

Pilates, My Frenemy

In the past, I’ve taken a few Pilates classes, mostly mat classes which hurt my neck. I know it’s something about the way I’m holding my body when I do it, but I don’t get much enjoyment out of the work, and not enough results to justifty the neck pain. 

Then I discovered Reformer classes. What the … ?  Just enough ass kicking to make them worthwhile, and every time, there are new exercises that work muscles you didn’t even know you had. Consider me converted. 

Problem is, now that I’ve begun to go to class on a regular basis, my body is adjusting. I want to push myself further, and have to counter that urge in my head as I’m trying to work on my form. Because if you’ve ever tried to simultaneously do a hard exercise, balance your body on a moving sled, and somehow not look like an idiot in the process, you’re doing a pretty good job. But you still want to press harder, for some reason. 

Tonight when I was driving home from class, body aching, soul triumphant, muscles taxed and shaking, I started thinking about that thing we all have, to push beyond, or try to turn working out, a singular pursuit if ever there was one, into a competitive sport. It’s why I never took Reformer classes before. It just seemed like a bunch of anorexics speed-crunching themselves to the brink of exhaustion. 

I’m happy to be wrong, of course. Every teacher and class is completely different in feeling and tone. It’s that bit in my mind I have to work on, which I try to counter by telling it that taking it slow not only makes the muscles work harder, and become more sculpted. It also helps the brain incorporate the effects of the exercise — oxygenating every part of my body from the blood to the cells, and making my heart sing in every sense of that word. 

Sure, I’ll be sore as hell tomorrow. And that’s why Pilates and I have agreed to disagree about how best to get a good workout in. Frenemies are like that. They reflect you just enough to show you where you’re fucking up, and are just enough of a good time to make you forget about why you hated them in the first place. 

I Am, I Breathe

Wow, how important it is to watch your breathing during the holiday season. I’ve learned this lesson again and again over the past few days in one situation after another. I’ve recently taken up Pilates, which I love, though it’s painful as fuck. I’m fairly athletic, but more interested in continually moving my energy and making sure I don’t get stagnant — in any area of my life. I like to move and be physical, like a fish who’d probably die if she stood still for too long. 

On one hand, meditation has absolutely saved my life, especially when it came to my lifelong insomnia. I’ve learned to open my lungs and heart, let things go more easily, and allow thoughts to leave my mind long enough to get needed rest. On the other, I like the fact that I’m an active person. I have a lot of ideas, the energy to carry them out, and also some additional energy to put into my reading and healing pursuits at my business (http://www.sassypsychic.com).

But breathing, this thing that’s so simple yet so crucially important to all of us, often gets overlooked. I’ve read that shallow breathing and the stress that generally causes it can lead to serious physical illness, and found that when I do this in my own life, that I’ll often get sick pretty quickly thereafter. These days, I rarely get sick, mostly because I have learned to manage my breathing. But the holidays can bring up difficulties. 

Today, I found that I was breathing in a shallow way and looked inside to see why. After a few seconds, I saw that I was worried about being able to get everything done in time. Mind you, the presents are wrapped and the decorating is done. But there’s still work, my “real” work of readings, writing and healing, to be done. Every year I try to take off some more time at the holidays, but people need help. I am happy to oblige. So there you have it. 

So I wanted to try and reframe this concept of shallow breathing, or tendency to let time rattle me, even if it’s slight. So I imagined my lungs and breathing tubes opening up to allow air in, and then tightening to push the air out. I looked inside to see what they wanted, in exchange for helping me stay alive and functioning. And I heard my lungs say, “We want you to thrive and be healthy. We want you to make our work worthwhile. We want that you should be the best version of yourself.” 

And so whenever I get a less-than-healthy urge, especially with all the unhealthy stuff lying around at the holidays, I think, “What would my lungs want? How can I make their work worthwhile?” 

It’s amazing how the idea of letting your lungs down can motivate. Who knew? 

And Then Again

Time to think about fall where I live, as the weather gets cooler and thoughts turn to warm drinks in the morning and naps in the afternoon. My workout routine is changing, as I add more restorative yoga and detoxing stuff to my regular cardiovascular work, weight lifting, hiking, walking, Pilates and dancing. My diet is changing, too, and as I take a brief break from writing, I’m thinking about how to give some of my free time to volunteering. I’m even thinking about how to have a small garden, which is difficult, since I live in a condo building with verboten common spaces. But maybe it’s possible on a smaller, indoor scale. 

Then again, as the weather changes and I find myself wanting to stay inside and plan all kinds of upcoming travel and adventures, maybe it’s about giving myself that ease to dream. Maybe this season of harvest is about canning and baking not just food (well, some of that) but ideas. I find that though I’m not a particularly restful person, liking instead to be busy with reading, exploring, discussing and experiencing, I need more time to ruminate, to just consider my next moves. I need time to allow my mind to woolgather, and the more I do this (it feels unbelievably indulgent; I dare you to try it sometime) the more it cracks me up,. It’s as if my mind has collected all this great stuff over time, and then unfurls it like a slideshow when I slow down long enough to watch it. My mind tells me jokes, sings me songs, pokes my ideas forward, and comforts me when I’m scared. It tells me everything’s going to be OK. It establishes peace among the warring parts of my body and intentions. 

So to reframe this time that’s gathering in intensity where I live, I don’t need to DO anything. Maybe it’s about accepting that I need more rest than I used to, or that rest isn’t necessarily a bad thing (try telling that to my mind right now). Surely I’ll be a better, happier and more productive person if I’ve had some sleep, if I’m a little kinder to myself. Surely, reframing this to accept my needs will help with my growth in many areas. And as I silence the voices in the back of my mind, or allow them their time at the podium and no more, I feel a little clearer about where I’m headed. I see that only some of the path can be covered in any given day, and then it’s time to sleep.