This question is going through my mind more and more as the days fly by. I only have a few more posts until I get to the one year mark with this blog, and will have to post some channeling about it before I finish this up.
Today, all I can seem to think about are moments from my past. They seem to come out of nowhere, leveling me with their intensity, until I’m forced to start looking for patterns. These are people from my past that I have not thought about for years, and others that I have set aside to grow in my own direction. What they have in common I do not yet know.
When I was younger, I was a little dreamer without much time to dream. From my earliest years, I’ve always had a lot of jobs, and did my writing and performing (then, at least) on the side when I had time. I was taught to be afraid of nearly everyone and everything, lest it somehow be coming along to take advantage of me. But I was hungry for experience, and soon learned to throw off my fears. Not that I’m never fearful, mind you. I just have a much better handle on what’s useful fear, and what’s not.
As this blogging project draws to a close, and things have opened up for me in an incredible new way, I’ve been thinking about how far I have come since I was that fearful little kid, and what it all might mean in the scheme of my larger life. Though I don’t have all the answers, and they’re not really tying themselves up into neat little bundles of understanding, I do have a new resolve, a WTF spirit about me, more than usual.
If I don’t know exactly where all this is taking me, I can say why the hell not, and dive in with a little more conviction. That right there I can do.