The Beautiful Answer

Why the Hell Not?

This question is going through my mind more and more as the days fly by. I only have a few more posts until I get to the one year mark with this blog, and will have to post some channeling about it before I finish this up.

Today, all I can seem to think about are moments from my past. They seem to come out of nowhere, leveling me with their intensity, until I’m forced to start looking for patterns. These are people from my past that I have not thought about for years, and others that I have set aside to grow in my own direction. What they have in common I do not yet know. 

When I was younger, I was a little dreamer without much time to dream. From my earliest years, I’ve always had a lot of jobs, and did my writing and performing (then, at least) on the side when I had time. I was taught to be afraid of nearly everyone and everything, lest it somehow be coming along to take advantage of me. But I was hungry for experience, and soon learned to throw off my fears. Not that I’m never fearful, mind you. I just have a much better handle on what’s useful fear, and what’s not. 

As this blogging project draws to a close, and things have opened up for me in an incredible new way, I’ve been thinking about how far I have come since I was that fearful little kid, and what it all might mean in the scheme of my larger life. Though I don’t have all the answers, and they’re not really tying themselves up into neat little bundles of understanding, I do have a new resolve, a WTF spirit about me, more than usual. 

If I don’t know exactly where all this is taking me, I can say why the hell not, and dive in with a little more conviction. That right there I can do. 

It’s Not Unusual

You know those days when everything seems to change every few minutes, even by the hour, and you’re left at the end of the day feeling drained? That’s how today was for me. I had plenty of work to do and, with the dreaming part of my brain, am outlining a new book. I have realized I can’t be that happy if I’m not creating, so there you have it. 

In the meantime, Uranus (planet of change, the future and instability) went direct today, after several months in retrograde motion. That gave rise to, among other things, NBA trades that turned into non issues (at least for the time being, though if I were Chris Paul, I’d be pretty pissed), and a guy who randomly walked down the center of Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood today shooting people before he was shot dead by police.

Uranus does things like that. 

Usually, I’m a pretty big fan of Uranus transits. They tend to bring out the unusual, the rebels and the unconventional — all my kind of people and events. But when a planet of this size changes direction, it tends to be pretty powerful. So I wanted to reframe that somehow, without trying to affect what the planet’s going to be doing for the planet itself. After all, don’t want to get in the way of that; it’s going to affect a lot of people in various ways. So I decided to merge. I imagined myself as a ball of energy, showing up bright and blue and crackling softly. I saw this energy, my energy, expanding out into the world until it met up with the Uranian energy (which, maybe not coincidentally, rules energy work itself). These two sniffed each other out like two dogs before deciding to meld a little bit. Once inside, I could see and feel the purpose of the Uranus energy — to transform (for some reason, the concept of ignorance came up, and eradicating that), to make us more tolerant, and to help us accept. That doesn’t mean that we allow people to walk on us, but instead find whatever needs to be understood in any given moment, so growth becomes possible. 

So maybe that’s not so unusual, to want to find a way to just move on and get along in the world. Maybe it’s an act of rebellion simply to see things as they really are, without reacting against them, or feeling like they have to change to accommodate us.